IN THIS MONTH'S DIGEST

Around the World on £20 per Day; 25,000 Miles, 22 Countries, No Hotels, No Support Team, No Free Bikes, No Film Crew and precious little money… Just how difficult can it be?

Monotony, Poverty, Disappointment, Cynicism, Anger and Middle Age… Mix all these ingredients in a small apartment and simmer gently for several years. Remove from reality, garnish with a motorcycle of your choice and serve immediately.

Give a world map and a little freedom to a frustrated courier and you should expect mayhem to ensue. Poor Circulation actually began in the 1970’s when I first read Ted Simon’s book ‘Jupiter’s Travels’. I’d been raised on motorbikes and at seventeen years of age I was the proud owner of a road legal Suzuki AP50. If I’d had a passport and a decent supply of acne cream back then, I would have set out to ride around the world without a second thought. Instead, I invested my pocket money in a Readers Digest World Atlas and let the dream stew for around thirty years.

Marriage, divorce, career, redundancy, war, kids, mortgage, a little more marriage and almost a million bike miles had past and I was still no closer to realising my adolescent dream. I was single again, too old and broke to race bikes, and stuck in a rut so deep that it would take a bit more than your average mid-life crisis to lift me out of it. Perhaps it was karma, or maybe the Ford Focus driver was actually a registered blind person, but shortly after he parked his car atop my beloved Suzuki Bandit in September 2006, I had my epiphanic moment. I spent several uncomfortable days standing at my computer whilst my embarrassing swelling subsided. With discomfort keeping me from more regular Internet pursuits, I discovered Google Earth. Within a few short hours, I’d navigated around the world from London to London – simply following roads and tracks that headed in an easterly direction. I realised then that given a lot of luck and a little blind faith, I could actually ride a bike around the world. Given that I had absolutely no money and no suitable bike, I understood that it wouldn’t be easy and it would take an awful lot of planning… but at that precise moment in time, I certainly had big enough balls for the challenge.

Over the next year, the swelling subsided and my plan began to take shape. I talked to an old friend, Alan Kelly, who pointed me in the direction of several Motorcycle Adventure books and DVD’s. I followed the adventures of: Austin Vince ‘Mondo Enduro’, Emilio Scotto ‘The Longest Ride’, Chris Scott ‘Adventure Motorcycling Handbook’ and Ewan & Charlie in ‘Long Way Round‘. I was amazed at the contrasts between the journeys, the routes, the choice of bikes, the experiences… and the budgets. Emilio Scotto began his 500,000-mile journey with $320, an amount that would have purchased one lid for Ewan McGregor’s panniers. I made my first two executive decisions: 1. Aluminium Panniers were not essential; and 2. The name of my journey should closely represent my age, health and wealth. So I filed my copy of ‘Long Way Round’ in the folder marked ‘Lotto Jackpot’ and ‘Poor Circulation’ was born.

The first priority was to establish a ‘Beer Budget’, which thanks to a cluster of City Sprint ‘Cash-Jobs’ was achieved in double rush time. I coerced Alan Kelly to take ’minutes’ at the first Poor Circulation management meeting held at the White Hart in Great Saling. I had first met him in 2004 on the Moto Challenge GB; we became accidental teammates at the time, and we’ve been deliberate friends ever since. Before the midnight taxi arrived to ship his slightly drunken 6’6” frame back home to Braintree, Alan had somehow become the second member of the team… Result.

I’d always planned on using a Yamaha XT600: because they’re light, simple, reliable and cheap. I took Alan to the local dealership to try one out, but unfortunately they didn’t have one in his size. Alan wanted to use his shiny new Triumph Tiger 955i, which I found too heavy, too tall, too complicated and far too expensive. We only really agreed on one point: that we both needed to use the same bike. Eventually, we resolved the Yamaha ‘V’ Triumph issue in the only acceptable way: rock, paper, scissors.

Two weeks later, having sold all of my worldly goods, we were trawling the small ad’s for previously enjoyed Triumphs – if only I’d stuck to scissors. Eventually we found a fine bright orange example on eBay. The last minute of the auction cost me several years of my life and a few hundred pounds more than I’d expected, but at least Poor Circulation now had a pair of usable bikes. I guess I’ll eventually grow to love the Triumph, but until then I’ll continue looking for a neat pair of Gortex boots with stacked heels.

I was still aware that if we allowed it, the planning stage could take at least another year and so decided to speed things along by setting a departure date: 23rd April 2008. Before I told Alan, I decided to make it ’official’ by committing to raise money for my favoured charity: St Teresa’s Hospice in Darlington, County Durham. I set up a ‘Just Giving Page’ to keep the charity donations well away from my beer budget and then informed Alan that as ‘Grown-Ups’ were now relying on Poor Circulation, there was no option but to do it.

With the Poor Circulation budget now running on empty, we concentrated on the route. London to London – head east and avoid wars. Europe was easy. Down into France, Germany, Switzerland and into Italy. From Italy, keep the Adriatic on our right through Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia, Serbia, Albania, and into Greece. Cross into Turkey and cling to the south side of the Black Sea before rising into Georgia and onwards to Volgograd in Russia. We then have the choice of Kazakhstan and Mongolia or to simply stay in the bosom of Mother Russia.

The first problem came when Vietnam and Thailand banned entry to all motorcycles over 125cc. Then, whilst talking with the Chinese Tourism Agency I was constantly asked to provide them with our ’Itinerary’. They demanded the names of the 4 & 5 Star hotels where our ’Official Guide’ (non optional) would be staying during our journey across their fine lands. I’m still not sure what the Cantonese words for ’tent’ and ’bivi bag’ are, but China joined Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia in the ‘Another Time’ folder.

The fact that China didn’t want us to come visit actually became a positive. It now meant that we could ride all of the way up to Magadan in Eastern Russia and then onwards to Alaska… or so we thought. At that precise moment in time, Magadan Airlines went tits-up and declared bankruptcy. With no other way of getting out of Magadan, we had to select Vladivostok as our final destination in Russia. That was also a blessing; the Long Way Round highlighted the problems riding overland to Magadan and at least our map showed a road running all of the way from Irkutsk to Vladivostok (Unfortunately, the Cartographers seem to have been a little over optimistic when drawing their lines. From the information we can obtain, the Amur Highway does in fact exist… It is a ‘road’ and once it has a sub-base and a coat of tarmac it will be just fine. Until then, we’ll just invest in lots of ‘Locktite’ for engine bolts and fillings).

From Vladivostok we intend to ship across to Japan before hitching a lift to Vancouver. From there we’ll ride down through Canada, USA and into Mexico before blagging passage back to Blighty… What could possibly be simpler?

With the route as ’Sorted’ as it was ever going to be, we decided to concentrate on the budget. Enter stage left, ’The Begging Letter’. In the UK, we’re generally not very good at asking for things whilst in other parts of the world, begging is a recognised profession. We had two bikes, a map and precious little else… and so we made a list. It was one of the longest lists I’d seen since my first divorce hearing, but if we broke it down into groups of products, it actually became a lot of very small lists. We hit the Internet, got hundreds of addresses and simply wrote to each company asking for a Brake Pad here and a Spark Plug there. Miraculously this ’keep it small’ approach seems to have worked. Our success rate is probably about 1 in 10, but the results have been amazing. Once we know the exact extent of the generosity of the various organisations and individuals that have supported Poor Circulation, we will of course be shameless in their praise of anyone else who has helped us to turn this reckless folly into foolish reality.

Clearly our travelling budget of £20 per day leaves no room for hotels or official campsites. Originally we had decided not to even take tents until a pair of suitable items fell from the rear of a passing van… well… it would be rude not too really. A couple of ’posts’ on bike related websites and more offers of support have come flooding our way. Poor Circulation will rely heavily upon the milk of human kindness and so far we’ve actually secured free overnight accommodation in England, France, Spain, Germany, Poland, Turkey, Thailand, Canada and the USA. Most of these offers are from folks that we have yet to meet; but then I guess ‘Bikers’ are often strange, but they are seldom strangers.

Next on our ‘To Do List’ was languages. Between us we are fluent in the universal dialects of Geordie and Estuary English; but apparently, anywhere east of Germany and the universal nature of these languages becomes questionable. We simply have to learn some Russian. Of course when I say ‘we’, I actually mean Alan. It’s not that I’m thick – or at least that’s not the only reason – I just find it difficult to read English so the Cyrillic alphabet is just one step too far. Besides, Alan is younger than me and therefore better equipped for learning new skills (I am only too happy to play the role of ‘Older Dog’ in this case).

We’re currently in the process of arranging visas and carnet for the trip and rather than risk boring you beyond reason, I’ll leave the process to history and the results to the next installment of the Digest. Full details of our planning and calamities thus far are available via our website, so it any of you feel the need to unfurl your Gortex anoraks, then you’re more than welcome to drop in and take a look around. You’ll find additional photographs and references to more disasters than you can shake a spanner at, along with links to our respective blogs and charity donation pages.

Over the coming months, disasters permitting, we will keep you updated on our various acts of stupidity, arguments and possibly even our progress through these pages. We’ll be ‘officially’ leaving from the Ace Cafe on the evening of 21st April (to coincide with The Rider’s Digest’s national launch). If anybody wishes to come along and poke fun at us, you’ll be more than welcome.

Blue 88

www.poor-circulation.net